Feel Guilty Saying No? Free Yourself With Yes Energy

My branding archetypes are Innocent and Alchemist.

Boy, does that Innocent surface when making choices about where and how I spend my time.

As an Innocent, I value wholesomeness and honest values. I sometimes long for simpler times. I have unwavering faith and optimism that things will work out.

Those qualities make it hard to say no without feeling guilty.

When my son was little, I made him an Elmo cake for his birthday. I could have bought one from the store, but I felt obligated to make one from scratch. It was a labor of love. It was a way to honor my values. To be true to who I was.

And boy, that cake was SPECTACULAR. Coming in at a whopping 2’x4’ every red, coarse hair was meticulously and painstakingly piped by hand. I dove into that project with my whole heart and soul.

The problem was that there were other things that needed to be done.

I had a bunch of family coming to the house. I needed to clean and organize.

I had an urgent to-do list for my business that had been buried, almost literally, under bowls of red frosting!

I probably should have saved myself time and stress by buying a cake. Would my four year old know the difference? Nope. But wild horses couldn’t make me buy a cake.

I felt obligated to make that cake from scratch. It’s who I am.

Obligatory Energy is a Drag

As women, women entrepreneurs, soulful practitioners, coaches, healers, teachers, and consultants, we care and love deeply. We become accustomed to having our heart strings pulled. And that can lead to doing things out of a sense of obligation.  

I lived my life that way for a long time. It made me feel good to be generous and supportive. I loved the warm fuzzies of recognition and appreciation!

Days that left me frantic and out of time and nights that left me aching for bed led me to a lot of soul searching. I learned that “obligatory energy” was robbing me of time, patience, energy and joy.

Now, that doesn’t mean I turned into a hard-nosed, out-for-myself kind of person. 

That soul searching gave me the clarity to realize that saying yes to too many things was a symptom of people pleasing.

Energy-draining, soul-sucking, ambition-killing people pleasing.

I found the way to set myself free to create an abundance of money, time, and freedom, in my business and my life.

Drum roll, please!

I learned how to…

Say No Without Feeling Guilty

It may be the shortest sentence in the world, but let me assure you that “NO” is a complete response.

Gosh I love that.  Let me say it again.  “NO” is a complete sentence. 

How freeing is that?

Most women are uncomfortable saying, “No.”

Why? Because we don't like hurting someone else’s feelings. We don’t like being tough, denying others what they want. Being loving, giving, empathetic creatures is in our nature.

But we can learn to say no with positivity. We can say no without feeling guilty and without defensiveness or negative energy.

Saying “No” with “Yes” Energy

When you let go of guilt or fear about saying no, you stand in your gorgeous feminine power. You strengthen your self-respect. What a life affirming action that is for you, your business, your loved ones, and the Universe! 

Bring to the forefront of your mind and heart your reasons to say “no.”

When you stand in your power and say no, you create a vibration of positivity that is carried in the ether. The feelings, impressions, and thoughts held in those words travel far and wide.

Others can feel it, breathe it in, and resonate with the positive vibration. This is telepathy! This is how we communicate with animals and nature.  

By sharing your empowered no with uplifting energy, 

• You send a strong message to women everywhere that it’s okay to release obligatory energy and people-pleasing from their lives. 

• You free them to get on with the things that really matter to them. 

• You share confidence with the world in a feminine way. 

• You create a vibration of empowerment for all women everywhere to breathe in!

When you remember your purpose in saying no, you say it with uplifting “yes energy.” 

By removing shame, you can say no without feeling guilty.

Prioritize what fills you up, makes you feel like you, and moves you toward your desires.

When I begin working with new clients, I ask them, “What might you need to say no to in order to create the space for what you want to be, do, and have?”  

That question can be hard to answer, especially if we are used to saying yes out of obligation. Some of us feel obliged to do everything ourselves.

It takes a big investment of energy and focus to grow and run your business, but there are other things that matter and light you up. You need to make time for them, too.

Your business can’t consume your life - at least not for very long - or else you will be drained in other ways.  

Nature provides plenty of examples to learn from.

When your business takes over your life, it is like a blizzard or hurricane.

It consumes our consciousness, moving a lot of energy around. Everything comes to a standstill while the storm rages. Animals take shelter, putting off their everyday tasks until the storm weakens.

Nature only fuels the energy of the storm for so long before it dies. Sometimes it leaves damage and loss in its wake.

The same thing happens to you when you don’t exercise your empowered no.

You can only fuel obligatory energy and people pleasing for so long. Allowing your business to take over your life can’t be sustained forever.

Something will give way, leaving you to pick up the debris of your life’s storm.

Say “no” without guilt, say “yes” without fear.

You are imbued with the power of choice. Rejoice in it! Say yes to the things that matter.

I say yes to my morning yoga practice and spending time outside with my horses or in my pool with my kids. I love to feel the sun on my face and skin, and I love listening to the birds.

Spending time outside in nature or with animals clears my mind. It reminds me of how easy things can be when I let them. It refreshes my spirit and recharges my creativity. 

You may enjoy walking in the woods with your dog, riding your bike, painting, or playing the piano.  I love all those too! 

Saying yes to these things means saying no to the things that compromise your ability to do what fulfills you and makes your life rewarding.

And that is okay.

Instead of eking out time and squeezing things in, saying no to obligations and pressures creates the time for what matters.

Saying yes to the things that matter is uplifting, creative yes energy.

Squeezing things in, eking out time, and piecing together your schedule to fit everything in is constricting, no energy. Feel the difference? 

Saying no is like learning a new shape in your yoga practice. It can be uncomfortable at first and take some thought to actually make it happen. 

Just like taking a new way to drive to swim practice or trying a new recipe to jazz up the same ol’ same ol’, it feels strange and different at first.

Not bad, not wrong, not negative, just different. 

The next time you have a choice to make and you feel guilty about saying no, examine your heart.

If you feel obliged in some way, ask yourself what it is that you really want. The answer will guide you.

It feels odd and uncomfortable to say, “No, I can’t take the time right now to bake an Elmo cake from scratch.”

But it feels oh, so, good to say, “Yes, I’ll buy a cake this time so I can enjoy my son’s day and get back to work tomorrow.”

We don’t manage time, we manage choices. Now, you have the choice to say no without guilt, without stress, but with a whole lot of beautiful yes energy.